Red Means Pause, Yellow Means Go
Stop wasting gas idling. If it's clear, just go!
Get McFly
You saw Back To The Future. All you need is a skateboard and a passing vehicle to get anywhere.
Draft
Racecar drivers know that if you tailgate, you'll go faster. So get nice and close to save the world.
Hitchhike
Use that green thumb. I'm sure some nice person will pick you up.
Get A Blow-Up Doll
Inflatable Annie will enable you to ride in the HOV lane and use less dinosaur goop.
Drive Naked
Less weight means less gas, so shed those unneccesary pounds.
Walk
Americans are too fat anyway, so sell that cumbersome car and hoof it. If Obama is elected, the rest of us may be joining you soon, too. |
Pee In The Yard
Every day, Americans flush 4.8 billion gallons of water down the toilet. If we would all pee in the yard, we could save the planet.
Quit Your Job
No driving, fewer buildings to heat or cool and less consumption because you have less money. Utopia!
Eat With Your Hands
Forget plasticware or washing silverware. Just use what Mother Earth gave you...your fingers.
Don't Wash Your Clothes
40 gallons of water per laundry cycle? Pure waste.
Hold Your Breath
Stop expelling harmful CO2 into the atmosphere! Breathe less. You owe it to the planet.
Don't Vote
Campaigns are horrid energy hogs. If nobody votes, hopefully candidates will quit flying jets, driving motorcades and killing trees to print propaganda.
Die
Let's face it, fewer people means less consumption and waste. Reduce your carbon footprint and drop dead. |
Global warming is not melting the polar ice caps -- Sarah Palin is.
Sarah Palin quit doing beauty pageants so other women could have a chance.
A Kodiak bear once tried to stare down Sarah Palin. Once.
Sarah Palin became governor because five children left her with too much spare energy.
Tom Brady was impregnated by Sarah Palin...and then she left him.
Gov. Palin wears half the makeup as John Edwards and still looks twice as good.
The Northern Lights are not real. It is simply the heavens reflecting the glory of Gov. Palin. |
PTA President
She could get the title and bake cookies for a good cause.
L.A. Cop
Maybe she could finally beat a young black man.
Ambassador to Iran
Perhaps she can make Ahmadinejad "disappear" like the Rose Law Firm billing records.
Shepherd
Clintons can fleece a flock like no other.
Co-host of The View
We know they like loud-mouthed, liberal women.
Dolphins Cheerleader
At 1-15 in 2007, they need someone to cheer, "Never give up!"
Reality Show Host
A natural for "The Amazing Race," but I think she would fit better on "The Biggest Loser." Of course, Bill might prefer "Wife Swap."
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George Will
Far too brilliant for public office.
Dennis Miller
Forget fireside chats. We want weekend updates!
Glenn Beck
He may not be a politician, but he's a thinker.
Bono
My administration would freakin' rock.
Stephen King
His speeches would scare the crap out of terrorists.
Lynn Swann
So he's really in politics, but he was a Steeler!
Chuck Norris
You wanna negotiate? Talk to my VP. |
The U.P.
They say it's part of Michigan, but we know it's really Canada.
Nuevo Cuba
Also known as South Florida.
Obamabad
Let's honor the first Muslim-trained presidential candidate.
Sodom & Gomorrah
Formerly California and Massachusetts.
Mexico
We employ their people, prop up their currency and buy their drugs. Let's just make it simpler.
New Iraq
Kick out the bad ones, keep the good ones and start drilling for oil! |
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