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ABC: Against Basic Christianity

One of my favorite television shows is the improvisational comedy Whose Line Is It Anyway?¹ I was watching it recently on ABC Family and noticed something funny at the top of the next hour.  Immediately following Whose Line is Pat Robertson's 700 Club, a contractual holdover from the days when CBN owned the channel. But before the 700 Club aired, this disclaimer was shown and read:

"The following CBN telecast does not reflect the views of ABC Family."

The program then featured some of the most outlandish and provocative stories seen on television. There was the news about Israeli P.M. Sharon's stroke, complete with commentary by that wacky Fred Barnes of The Weekly Standard. There was a story about Heisman Trophy winner Danny Wuerffel dropping out of football to give hope to New Orleans' poorest kids (what a nutcase!) And perhaps craziest of all, they interviewed a woman who claimed to have been healed by God. Outlandish!

No wonder ABC feels compelled to distance themselves from such controversial content. It seems that the only permissible mention of "God" on their networks is when it's followed by "dammit."

But seriously, it's obvious that ABC sticks that disclaimer at the beginning, and again at the end, of each airing of the 700 Club for one reason: Pat Robertson.  Sure, Pat has made a few controversial statements, but if the disclaimer barometer is controversy, ABC needs to come up with a few more disclaimers!

How about these...

Before ABC Family aired the edited version of the rated-R movie Cruel Intentions:

"The following movie contains teenagers trying to have sex with virgins, which does not reflect the family values of ABC."

Or before the illegal lesbian "wedding" of singer Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels on ABC's Celebrity Weddings:

"The following program illustrates how wonderful homosexual marriage could be if only those damned Christians would quit voting, but does not reflect the political agenda of ABC."

Or before the so-called reality show Wife Swap, in which ABC found itself on the receiving end of a lawsuit for swapping an unsuspecting Oklahoma man's wife with a gay man, then allegedly lied to the distraught husband by telling him that his real wife decided to leave him:

"The following program promotes the idea of a homosexual man as a 'wife,' thereby revealing the homophobic zeitgeist of middle America, but does not reflect the desperate attempt of ABC to halt the freefall of our Nielsen ratings."

Nor will ABC distance themselves from any other immoral content on any other shows, like Desperate Housewives. Perhaps it's just the personality of Pat Robertson, whom most non-Christians and liberals consider a certified lunatic. But then again, ABC was once the home of Bill Maher, one of the most vocal anti-Christian crusaders of our media era, who said, "I think religion is a neurological disorder." (Yes, I realize he said that on MSNBC, not ABC, but it's not like they thought Maher was the Pope prior to stealing Politically Incorrect from Comedy Central.)

I suspect that the truth is that there are one or two executives at ABC who are either gay or politically far-left. Logic would follow that they hate Pat Robertson, who has always stood for Christianity and morals. Since ABC Family is legally bound to carry the 700 Club, ABC can only make a feeble attempt to discredit Pat's program by marking it with a scarlet-letter disclaimer.

Yet, despite their spurning of people with values like mine, I still have one bit of helpful advice for the disclaimer writers at ABC. This text should appear before any airing of Dancing with the Stars:

"The following wasted hour demonstrates our lack of entertaining programming. We at ABC apologize for failing to keep up with the more innovative cable networks and regret that every flavor of CSI continues to crush us in the ratings. Please tune in next season for Monday Night Football, which is the only worthwhile program we have. Oh wait, we lost that one, too."